There Is No Sausage!
by Lime Daiquiri
Summary: Alice barges in to Gilbert's room and completely misunderstands what he holds in his hand. Written for Pandora Hearts kinkmeme


Disclaimer: I don't own Pandora Hearts nor any of the characters.

A/N: Written for the Pandora Hearts kinkmeme prompt: Alice walks in on Raven masturbating, clueless Alice.

**There Is No Sausage!**

Returning to his room in the Rainsworth residence after breakfast Gilbert threw himself onto his bed. With no new assignments and no idea what their next plan of action, Gilbert was at a loss of what to do now, especially since Oz was busy trying to extract any information out of Break and Lady Sharon.

He had been lying on his back and staring blankly at the ceiling for several moments before deciding that if he really had nothing to do, he was going to make the best of his unexpected alone time before things became hectic once more. Lazily rubbing one hand over his growing erection he quickly unbuttoned his trousers with the other, drawing away the material. Free of the unwanted barrier of clothing Gilbert stroked his cock firmly, increasing the friction slowly to heighten the experience.

Groaning at the sensation he covered his mouth with his free hand, hoping to at least limit the noise he was making and avoid grabbing the attention of anyone passing by. The familiar coil of pleasure mounting, and as his completion drew near his movements became more frantic, with laboured breath he was now desperate for his release, a few more strokes and he would be…

"Oi Seaweed Head, we're going out!" Alice shouted, the door banging loudly against the wall due to the force with which it was thrown open as the female chain barged her way into the room, eyes immediately drawn to the figure lying stunned on the bed. Frozen Alice and Gilbert stared at each other in shock for several moments before the slight widening of Alice's eyes stirred Gilbert into motion.

"Gyaah" Throwing himself off onto the floor and using the bed as a shield between him and the chain Gilbert scrambled to close his trousers, erection completely deflated by the shock. Unfortunately Gilbert's sudden movement also broke Alice's stunned facade and she quickly followed him, vaulting over the bed with an enormous war cry.

"MEAT!" Landing next to Gilbert with half the bedding sliding down with her, Alice grabbed hold of Gilbert's leg trying to pull herself further on to his body.

"Get off me stupid rabbit!" Gilbert cried out partially in shock, anger and fear as he tried to throw off the crazy bunny.

"You've got meat, gimme, gimme, gimme" Resisting Gilbert's shoves and shakes Alice continued to grab insistently at the man's trousers.

"What? Stop it! I haven't got any meat!" Finally able to throw Alice off with a forceful push and a kick Gilbert raced to the other corner of the room, pulling his trousers up as he went. Alice not ready to let her prey escape blocked his route to the door.

"Yes, you do, you were holding a sausage! GIVE ME THE SAUSAGE!" Alice shouted angrily at the man who refused to give her his meat.

"THERE IS NO SAUSAGE" Gilbert shouted back with equal anger.

"Don't lie to me! You were rubbing it in your hand! You should have put it in your mouth, give it to me and I'll show you how." Alice looked up imploringly trying to entreat the man to hand over the goods. Face completely red at the rabbit's ignorant ranting Gilbert attempted to cover his face with his hands, exasperated by the chain's stupidity, while she watched him impatiently, inching closer, getting ready for a second pounce.

Peering through his fingers Gilbert let out a terrified squeak at the sight of his Master standing in the doorway with a look of extreme anger on his face.

"What do you two think you're doing?" Not understanding where his Master's anger was coming from Gilbert took a moment to look at his surroundings, from his upturned bed, to Alice's dishevelled appearance as she slid nearer to be within grabbing distance, and his own tousled clothes.

"This isn't what it looks like." Looking like a deer caught in headlights, Gilbert hoped Oz wouldn't kill him.

"Then one of you explain, now!" Oz shouted angrily. Nervous, Gilbert shuffled his feet while he tried to think of a way to explain his current predicament. Alice, in contrast, was eager to voice her ire.

"Seaweed Head is trying to hide a sausage in his pants! You're my servant, make him give it to me!" Anger dissolving with sudden understanding Oz choked on his tongue. However he was spared the task of answering Alice's command when another voice spoke up instead.

"Gilbert is such a grumpy boy, but at least Alice still wants his sausage!" All three heads turned at the exuberant exclamation to face the window where Emily clung to the white net curtain, and where Emily went there was always…

White-hair peaked out from behind a curtain, shortly followed by the rest of the contractor's body and a trail of sweets.

"Oh ho ho, our little Gilbert is all grown up…and not so little anymore!"

-End-


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